Amazing Journey

You Must Meet My Wife FREDRIK: She lightens my sadness, She livens my days, She bursts with a kind of madness My well-ordered ways. My happiest mistake, the ache of my life: You must meet my wife. She bubbles with pleasure, She glows with surprise, Disrupts my accustomed leisure And ruffles my ties. I don't know even now quite how it began. You must meet my wife, my Anne. One thousand whims to which I give in, Since her smallest tear turns me ashen. I never dreamed that I could live in So completely demented, contented a fashion. So sunlike, so winning, So unlike a wife. I do think that I'm beginning To show signs of life. Don't ask me how at my age one still can grow-- If you met my wife, you'd know. DESIREE [speaking]: Dear Fredrik, I'm just longing to meet her. Sometime. FREDRIK: She sparkles... DESIREE: How pleasant. FREDRIK: She twinkles... DESIREE: How nice. FREDRIK: Her youth is a sort of present-- DESIREE: Whatever the price. FREDRIK: The incandescent--what?--the-- DESIREE [offering a cigarette]: Light? FREDRIK: --of my life. You must meet my wife. DESIREE: Yes, I must. I really must. Now-- FREDRIK: She flutters. DESIREE: How charming. FREDRIK: She twitters. DESIREE: My word! FREDRIK: She floats. DESIREE: Isn't that alarming? What is she, a bird? FREDRIK: She makes me feel I'm--what?-- DESIREE: A very old man. FREDRIK: Yes--no! DESIREE: No? FREDRIK: But-- DESIREE: I must meet your Gertrude. FREDRIK: My Anne. DESIREE: Sorry--Anne. FREDRIK: She loves my voice, my walk, my mustache, The cigar, in fact, that I'm smoking. She'll watch me puff until it's just ash, Then she'll save the cigar butt. DESIREE: Bizarre, but You're joking. FREDRIK: She dotes on-- DESIREE: Your dimple. FREDRIK: My snoring. DESIREE: How dear. FREDRIK: The point is, she's really simple. DESIREE: Yes, that much seems clear. FREDRIK: She gives me funny names-- DESIREE: Like? FREDRIK: "Old Dry-as-Dust." DESIREE: Wouldn't she just? FREDRIK: You must meet my wife. DESIREE: Yes, I must, yes, I must. FREDRIK: A sea of whims that I submerge in, Yet so loveable in repentance. Unfortunately still a virgin, But you can't force a flower-- DESIREE: Don't finish that sentence! She's monstrous! FREDRIK: She's frightened. DESIREE: Unfeeling! FREDRIK: Unversed. She'd strike you as unenlightened-- DESIREE: No, I'd strike her first. FREDRIK: Her reticence, her apprehension-- DESIREE: Her crust! FREDRIK: No! DESIREE: Yes! FREDRIK: No! DESIREE: Fredrik! FREDRIK: You must meet my wife. DESIREE: Let me get my hat and my knife! FREDRIK: What was that? DESIREE: I must meet your wife. FREDRIK: DESIREE: Yes, you must. Yes, I must.







Liaisons MME. ARMFELDT: At the villa of the Baron De Signac, Where I spent a somewhat infamous year, At the villa of the Baron De Signac I had ladies in attendance, Fire-opal pendants... Liaisons! What's happened to them? Liaisons today. Disgraceful! What's become of them? Some of them Hardly pay their shoddy way. What once was a rare champagne Is now just an amiable hock, What once was a villa, at least, Is "digs." What once was a gown with train Is now just a simple little frock, What once was a sumptuous feast Is figs. No--not even figs--raisins! Ah, liaisons! Now, where was I? Where was I? Oh, yes... At the palace of the Duke of Ferrara, Who was prematurely deaf but a dear, At the palace of the Duke of Ferrara I acquired some position Plus a tiny Titian... Liaisons! What's happened to them? Liaisons today. To see them--indiscriminate Women, it Pains me more than I can say, The lack of taste that they display! Where is style? Where is skill? Where is forethought? Where's discretion of the heart? Where's passion in the art? Where's craft? With a smile And a will But with more thought, I acquired a chateau Extravagantly o- Verstaffed. Too many people muddle sex With mere desire, And when emotion intervenes The nets descend. It should on no account perplex, Or worse, inspire; It's but a pleasurable means To a measurable end. Why does no one comprehend? Let us hope this lunacy's just a trend. Now where was I? Where was I? Oh, yes... In the castle of the King of the Belgians, (We would visit through a false chiffonier) In the castle of the King of the Belgians Who, when things got rather touchy, Deeded me a duchy... Liaisons! What's happened to them? Liaisons today. Untidy! Take my daughter, I Taught her, I Tried my best to point the way. I even named her Desiree. In a world where the kings are employers, Where the amateur prevails And delicacy fails To pay, In a world where the princes are lawyers, What can anyone expect Except to recollect Lia.... [She falls asleep.]