Brownies
Angel Orensanz Center

First Drag of the Day


Don't make me do it,

don't make me sell the things I love

There's too much happening in this world

Don't choose the other side right away


It's been left alone for a while



If I can get to the words before that first smoke

Everything seems to come out differently




Leaving a large hole in my hip

I've never tried to quit

Here I go with the first drag of the day

Sometimes it makes me fall backwards on back into bed




Don't stop me, don't correct me

Please don't interfere with me

I'm trying to write as fast as I can



Yesterday wasn't so bad



I thought it a little worse than it was




I don't know why I tried to sabotage my day

I wanted everything my own way



I wanted it all my own way, so don't apologize

I learn to devise these ways of explaining away

Happenstance, you don't let me take a stand

And it sits inside on the great white picket fence deep inside



Someday that fence is going to fall in your yard

And I hope you didn't plant anything

too precious too close to the boundary



It's starting to sound like it's time to sign off

But for once, I feel like something might have happened

Maybe I can't show this to you

Maybe I can't show you everything





Some things have to be precious and pure

Some things have to stay inside of me

Or else I've given everything away

I wanted it all this way

I learn to devise these ways of explaining away


So don't blame me, I won't blame you

It's just the first drag of the day